And so it begins.....

January 21 was NATIONAL HUG DAY.  I was  blessed with so many hugs. Sadly, it was also the day I began processing the journey that has been placed before me.....the dreaded word.....cancer.  I can't even write that word yet without shaking my head in disbelief!  And yet, the diagnosis has been pronounced.  If you know me, you know that I am a crier :-).....I've always been!  I would leave the room during the crucifixion scene when my family watched Ben Hur and I still get weepy when I watch the end of "It's a Wonderful Life" though I've seen it too many times to count!  So, OF COURSE, tears are very close to the surface these days.  And, that's ok.  These tears are tears of sadness, fear, disbelief, grief, but also tears of gratitude, love, joy and praise.  

I'd like to write my way through this journey....for my own sake and to hopefully encourage other fellow travelers on this road of life.  We all have potholes and detours and unpleasant circumstances.  Some are more visible than others.  Some are quickly resolved with a few phone calls, a hug and band-aid.  Others can span a lifetime and leave scars that are rugged and bruised.  

Yesterday was wonderful.  My coworkers filled my small office with their circle of love and prayers.  Later my pastor and some elders prayed with us and anointed me with oil....sweet oil from Bethany that a friend blessed me with from a recent trip to Israel.  Even later a fellow traveler on this cancer road and a friend and precious sister-in-law visited me and filled my sunroom and my soul with laughter and direction and HOPE.  My day was blessed with touching base with my children and parents. The day ended with a phone call with my dear sister.  Oh yes, there were tears as I said, "I don't want to leave you alone!"  Having already lost a brother 3 years ago, we feel the threat of separation very keenly.  

I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future.  How many times have I sung those words?  How many times have we sang words of confidence and faith when the sun is shining and all is right and peaceful.  Well, I am given the opportunity to sing and pray and LIVE these words in the valley.  Perhaps God will do the miraculous and answer our prayers for complete healing from this damn cancer that is making it's presence known in my body.  I am cursing it, in Jesus name!  But, well, no matter which direction this journey takes me, this is my prayer........
"I eagerly  expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death." Phil. 1:20 

Today I took the next step and scheduled an appointment with an oncologist.  God opened the doors for me and I feel so blessed with how this is working out.  Jess and Josiah visited us and brought soup and my favorite ice cream treat. A grandchild's laughter is such good medicine!!!  A hug from my daughter is manna for my soul.  My artist friend came with prayers and insight and laughter and encouragement for me on this journaling process.  She reminded me that my world has not receded....it has expanded!  I will have even more opportunity to share the love of Jesus in a whole new place.

All is well.  ALL WILL BE MADE RIGHT.  Someday.  Maybe not in the here and now.  But someday.  But while I'm waiting, I will trust Him.  I will serve Him.  I will praise Him.  I will love Him.Will you join me?