Broken Shells

Yes, the snow is still completely covering the landscape and it's lovely but my mind is on the beach this morning.  If I close my eyes I can almost hear the waves crashing on the shore, smell the coconut-y suntan lotion, feel the sun warming me as I recline in my favorite beach chair.  I'm right at the water's edge, where the last bit of wave cools my feet.  Various conversations swirl around as I drift in and out of peaceful naps.  Seaguls are hovering, waiting for a bit of food to snatch.  Children are running by, spraying sand over my arms.  For the record this vision does NOT include sand flys or jelly fish or a beach so crowded that it's difficult to see the sand around the quilts and towels and food coolers and umbrellas.  Ahhhh, I love the beach.  If I listen even more closely I can hear echos of family times from long ago....my children's squeals, Marlin's gentle voice, Carol's laughter, many many private conversations whispered between family and friends.

God speaks.  And maybe since I'm on vacation, I listen.  He leads me to treasures which I put in the side pocket of my Thirty-One bag and bring home along with not a small amount of sand. One year there was an abundance of purple shells.  PURPLE!  My favorite color.  And I knew God was affirming His love for me in that simple, unexpected gift.  Another time I found sea glass in soft greens and blues and purples.

Of course, the shells that find their way back to my home are the most perfect ones....without holes or jagged edges, or discolorations.  After all, isn't this what we hold on to and put on display - the perfect parts?   But this year my beach trip had a different feel.  It was filled with love and beauty but there was also tension and weariness and tears.  Oh yes, tears again.  The reality of life.  My apartment housed a tired momma and a daddy trying to help his little family and a grams trying too hard to help everyone have a PERFECT time....all centered around the most loved and precious little guy who wasn't sure if he even wanted to be on vacation, didn't know what to think of the beach and FOR SURE knew that he didn't want to sleep :-).  So as I walked along the beach I began collecting the broken, imperfect shells, amazed at the beauty that could be found in each one.  God reminded me that much of life is NOT perfect.  I am far from perfect.  My family is not perfect. My situation is not perfect. Only my GOD is perfect!  And yet, even in the midst of our impertections, His beauty shines through. His grace covers and His love fills those empty spaces.  His joy softens our discoloration. He uses the water of the Holy Spirit, the healing of time and the grittiness of the sand of this world to bring softness to my uneven, hard edges and a glow to my darkness. Yes, may it be so!

So in these days while I wait for my "official" diagnosis and the medical plan, I am caught between focusing on the brokenness of my body and the possible challenges of my (earthly) future AND keeping my eyes on Jesus, who began a good work in me and who WILL carry it to completion!  (Phil. 1:6) He is my Healer!!! My life is in HIS hands.  I will focus on His hands...those beautiful, gentle and strong hands, softened by scars and pain....and love.  Those hands created the ocean I love so much.  His hands created me.  His hands formed you.  He knows what each one of us is facing.  Never doubt that He cares. None of us is too big that He can't carry us in the palm of those hands.  I am reminded of another favorite worship tune by Kathryn Scott, "At the Foot of the Cross". He is taking our brokenness and bringing beauty for ashes. So each day our challenge is to place our lives at the foot of the cross "where grace and suffering meet".  I'm trading these ashes of cancer and sadness and fear for beauty and joy and peace and healing and I'm going to "wear my forgiveness like a crown".  I will "kiss the feet of mercy, and lay every burden down....at the foot of the cross".  That's the plan for today.  Will you join me?