ENDURANCE (dancing in the journey)

ENDURANCE. My "Walk and Talk" buddy, Bev, reminded me of this needed quality last week. Since then this word has been rolling around in my brain....it awakened me this early morning. So, as the birds are singing their morning praises outside my window, I have given up the idea of sleep till my thoughts are somehow written on this digital page :-).

Bev was an important part of my journey a few years ago when I went from little physical activity to an active physical level. The process was so rewarding but took endurance. If you've been married for longer than a week, you know that a good marriage takes endurance. Parents of a baby who does not sleep need endurance as they wonder if they will ever sleep through the night again! A successful career, advanced education, any long-term relationship, any goal worth pursuing requires ENDURANCE. Walking this journey with an unwelcome diagnosis or painful situation requires endurance. Jesus is our ultimate example. He endured the cross because of the joy set before Him...the joy of our redemption!

In my last appointment with Dr. Oyer, he told me that I will be able to run again! What a lovely thought...a goal....that will take endurance. Once again going through the process to become strong. So I'm taking small steps towards that goal hoping to run a 5K again. And in fact, I just registered for one in the middle of writing this blog. If you are in Lancaster County, consider joining me for "Camden's Run" on August 20 at Franklin and Marshall College. (benefiting SIDS research, details on Facebook) So now I've put my money where my goal is!

Therefore since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us RUN with ENDURANCE the race that is set before us....

(RUN, NANCY, RUN)

....fixing our eyes on JESUS, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

  Hebrews 12:1,2

As the word endurance has been bouncing around in my brain, this "interpretation" has come to the surface:
U R dANCing to the END.
Get it?  Perhaps it's a stretch, but it works for me. I love the word picture. This is my life goal....to dance through each day, honoring God, serving Him and serving those He brings into my life. Walking the journey with my eyes on the joy set before me. And knowing that the END of this life is not really the end at all but the BEGINNING of all beginnings. Finally seeing Jesus face to face and being completely free from the bondages of sin, the shackles of fear and the weight of selfishness. That will be glorious. But in the meantime, I am dancing....running....thanking God for this good day!
Will you dance with me?
May we run together?

Living in Plan B

Plan B. Not our first choice. Not where we hoped to be or really want to be. But what do we do when Plan A is no longer available? This. This has been my latest struggle. Letting go of the person I was before January 2016. Accepting the fact that my life will be touched by cancer as long as I'm on this earth. I am now a cancer survivor. (Did you know that one is considered a cancer survivor from the moment of diagnosis through the rest of their life?) This is a title I never wished for. Well, who does? Who longs for any of those less than desirable titles? We all will have areas in our lives where we need to accept that Plan A is simply not available. We have the opportunity to choose to accept....and even embrace Plan B. My friend, Mike, has lived his Plan B with strength and persistence and faith for the past 30+ years since a motorcycle accident left him paralyzed. He has turned his Plan B into a life of ministry and adventure and blessing. What an encouragement you are to me, dear friend!

This truth was brought home to me when I read parts of a commencement speech given by Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg. This is a great article and worth the time to read it Sheryl Sandberg Berkeley speech Her husband passed away suddenly at a young age. When she was lamenting that she wanted her husband to be present for a Father-Son event, a friend said, "Option A is no longer available. So let's kick the shit out of Option B." Ok, I would not word it that way exactly...but these words have given me a push, encouragement to live this life that I've been given. I don't want to spend more time than needed in self-pity or wishing for the past. 

God has given each of us this day. This good day. I am celebrating life and peace and the cool summer breeze that's blowing through my house. I am so grateful that God has put cancer survivors Melanie and Deni, into my life to be examples to me of how to navigate this new journey. I am thankful for dinner with friends and graduation parties and babysitting the grands. Sheryl Sandberg also stated, "Finding gratitude and appreciation is a key to resilience." I want to be resilient! To go with the flow and TRUST that God is with me, carrying me,  loving me. Does this mean that I will not be shedding more tears? Goodness, no. But I will continue to start each day kneeling before my God and King, asking Him to use me for His honor. I will continue to end each day with praise and a list of the blessings of the day. I will continue to trust that "All will be well".

Are you living in Plan B....or maybe even Plan C? What a comfort to know that God is with us. His Presence is what can carry us through the times of doubt and fear. Times when we long to return to before the diagnosis or accident or hurtful relationship. My life is in His hands....and there's no place I'd rather, rather be. And so, with the things of this world changing and our temporal bodies faced with unwelcome challenges, we can grasp tightly to His Word:

God is personally present, a Living Spirit! There is nothing between me and God, my face shining with the brightness of His face. And so, I am being transfigured much like the Messiah.

My life is gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters my life and I become like Him.

Thanks be to God who always leads me in triumph in Christ and manifests through me the sweet aroma of the knowledge of HIM in every place.

(2 Cor. 2 & 3 portions, MSG)

a report and a commercial :-)

Once again, I'm perched on the sofa in my sunroom. If I close my eyes, the sound that envelops me is much like a You Tube video that I listen to as I fall asleep....filled with gentle rain and the melodic song of birds. Two cardinals were sitting on a branch and giving their feathers a nice fluff, as if allowing the rain to cleanse and freshen. This is what the rain of the Holy Spirit can do in our spirits! I want to begin...and end....and live each moment of my day, actually....with an awareness of the gentle rain of the Holy Spirit bringing healing, cleansing and hope to my spirit, soul AND body. He REIGNS over my life. He RAINS over my life.

I saw Dr. Oyer yesterday. It was a blessing to have my daughter come with me. I wanted them to meet her and for her to meet this team of professionals who have helped me so much in this journey. And it was an encouraging visit!!! He said that I'm in PARTIAL REMISSION. Rarely do patients with my diagnosis reach full remission. But, with God all things are possible. Miracles DO still happen. But just reaching this stage is a miracle in itself and I am extremely grateful. I'm thankful to God for His provision and peace and guidance and for giving knowledge to researchers to develop these new medications that can extend many many lives. I've been encouraged to view myself as having a "chronic" illness...much like a diabetic who can extend her life with medication. This change of thinking from the typical thoughts of cancer, has been vital to my emotional healing. I finally had the courage to look at my chest x-rays and see the amazing progress. Thank YOU for your prayers and support. Jerry and I continue to pray for each one who prays for us. May God fill your lives with blessings!

I've been encouraged to "go, live your life". And so I am. Last weekend was filled to the brim with family and hugs and love and laughter. I walked and played games and slept in a camper :-O and held babies. I ate ice cream and waffles and fresh fish from the local stream. I was told over and over again that I am loved. Those hugs just filled my love tank to overflowing. THANK YOU to each one who poured blessings into my life!!! This journal page was born out of that gratefulness. Why, oh why, are we so hesitant to tell people that we love them? Let's be generous people, in WORDS and deeds!!! Not stingy with our words of love and affirmation. Don't wait till someone you love is diagnosed with cancer to tell them how much they mean to you!

"A generous person will prosper;

whoever refreshes others will be refreshed."

Proverbs 11:25

And now for the commercial....
Worship and music have been a HUGE part of my life! I have been involved with music ministry 45 out of my 57 years. And have the privilege of being on the worship team at Gap Community Church. However, since my diagnosis, I've only been on the stage once...right before I became sick with the virus. It's been a long journey back - but I'm finally going to be singing this Sunday!!! What a warm reception I received as I walked into practice. Home where I belong. The songs that were chosen reflect so clearly the path that I've been on. The authors have put into words and music what I've written about these past few months. I can sing "The Rock Won't Move" with power; "Nailed to the Cross" with thankfulness; "No Longer Slaves" with peace and "We Will Not Be Shaken" with confidence. Would you like to join us? Our service will be streaming live at 10:15 EST on Sunday morning. You can find us at gapcommunity.church . We will be beginning a series on the book of Psalms...one of my favorite and most powerful books! I would be honored to know that you are with us as we worship and declare God's goodness and lovingkindness.

May His peace surround you today as you allow the Holy Spirit to REIGN/RAIN over your life.