the sword and the palm branch

I was having a conversation with one of my nieces in my mind...."IF I die, remember...." Mid-thought I stopped short with the realization that it's really not IF but WHEN. This concept continues to elude most of us. But, if you have walked through a life altering circumstance (there are too many to mention), you will agree that these give you a greater awareness of the frailty and finality of our lives here on earth. And that's a good thing!

There is an APPOINTED TIME FOR EVERYTHING....a time to give birth and a time to die...He has made EVERYTHING beautiful and appropriate in its time. Eccl. 3

I've just been given a 4 month reprieve from this reality (hopefully!). And I'm rejoicing!! I am so grateful to God for answering this prayer. But there's a dichotomy that I wrestle with....
How do I fight the fight of faith (for healing, wholeness, etc.) AND rest in the sovereignty of God AT THE SAME TIME???

You see, I believe that Jesus has provided complete wellness, TOTAL well-being, nothing missing-nothing broken peace. At the same time, we will not live a perfect life unhindered by trials and hardships. Jesus, our great example, DIED at 33! (spoiler: He didn't stay dead!) When I think of the statistics for people with this disease, it's daunting and I know that I may not live to see 65. I don't like that thought one bit....but Jesus! He physically left this earth around 33 years of age!  Being fully human (AND fully God) did He long for more years with His beloved disciples and the hungry faces of those who so desperately needed Him?

Ok, so we are not Jesus. But, can I trust that IF my appointed time to die is younger than I hope, my influence in my world....especially those grands!!!....will continue even after I'm gone on? I can spend my days grieving the potential loss of years of doing life with them OR I can make the most of the days I've been given, TRUSTING God to do what I could never do anyway.

Teach me to number my days that I may present to You a heart of wisdom.  Psa. 90:12

In Your book were all written the days that WERE ORDAINED for me. Psa. 139

So here's the deal, my deal anyway! I am fighting the fight of faith, doing my small part in this life. I will NOT allow satan to kill me before my appointed time to die. And when I do leave, it will be BEAUTIFUL and APPROPRIATE. I will follow His leading to the best of my ability. AND I will trust in the loving, wise, sovereign God. This is the place of peace....in one hand I will grasp the sword of the Spirit and in the other hand will be a palm branch raised to Jesus..

pre-scan fog

I come to my usual meeting place with God this morning, coffee in hand. Dawn is gradually spreading it's soft light across the little corner of my world. Curled up on my couch, wrapped in a blanket, I look out the windows to see a haze of light grey.

Fog. It hinders my view of what's just beyond my windows.

Most of our lives are lived in the fog....the haze of an unclear future. Like the fog this morning that hinders my view of what I know is out there, fog covers much of our future. We may pretend to have it all planned out but we only see through a glass darkly. So much of tomorrow is beyond our limited control. But because I have looked at the meadow beyond my sanctuary so many times, I know that a lovely, peaceful meadow is out there even though I currently can't see it with my eyes. I know that the delightful stream is there, the blue heron sitting on the bank. I don't worry that when the fog lifts I will see destruction, emptiness, a meadow torn apart by a raging river, trees toppled over, the grass and bushes parched brown, dead.

But, when I face the fog of my future, I confess that it's too easy for me to picture just that! As the scan approaches, the time when what is going on in my body will become clear, it is simply in my flesh nature to picture destruction and death. Worries about what may be next for me on this journey are knocking on the door of my mind daily. But God! God in His great mercy has given me glimpses of life and greenness and vitality and spring. Even the fog is pulsing with a peace that I can't explain. His Spirit whispers, "All will be well."

The immediate future of today is filled with so many blessings...

THIS is the day the LORD has made. I WILL rejoice and be glad in it.

The future of next week, next month, next year are unknown. But I will trust God. I will be grateful for the blessings He provides of family, friends, peace, ABUNDANT REDEMPTION....

"Many things about tomorrow, I don't seem to understand. But I know WHO holds tomorrow and I know WHO holds my hand."

The eternal future is as clear as the brightest of days. This future will be filled with the unhindered presence of GOD who loves us more than we can imagine. This I know though I have not seen. This knowledge will give me strength for the intermediate foggy future....

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a KNOWN GOD."

-Corrie ten Boom

The fog has now lifted. Light has revealed what I knew was there - the peaceful meadow, gentle stream, spring budding on the trees. Someday all fogginess will disappear forever. In the meantime will you join me with thankfulness in this foggy journey?