The Bitter and the Sweet - 5 years

January 20, 2016. The day that I was assigned the diagnosis: stage 4 lung cancer. The day my life changed forever. The day this Unexpected (and Unwanted) Journey began.  We all have those markers in our lives. For some of us, it's a single moment in time. For others, it slowly unravels before us. 

And so, today is my 5 year celebration day. One would think that I'd be full of joy and laughter. I should be, shouldn't I? The sun is even peeking through the clouds to help. But it really is a bittersweet kind of day. 

My most recent scans show "no significant change". That is sweet. And I'm so grateful. They also show cancerous spots throughout my lungs and bones. As bitter and unnerving of a reality check that is, no change is good. This is life for each one of us - the smooth days, the bumpy days. How do I respond to this? How do I live this life with joy and gratitude and sadness and honesty and faith and doubt and hope? 

This morning I've spent time listening to worship music, reading God's word and remembering God's faithfulness through the years. There have been joyous shouts of thanksgiving and there have been tears. I enjoyed a donut from Jerry. In the event that it's true that our loved ones in heaven can see our "special" moments, I blew a kiss to those watching me and cheering me on: Mother, my precious grandparents, Irvin and Joyce and Mel and others. I took a nap and soaked long in the bath. I will get a massage from my daughter and eat yummy food with my sister. I video chatted with grands. And opened gifts from a faithful friend (one can never have too many mugs!). 

And I'm writing to you. To encourage you in your Unexpected Journey, whatever that looks like. Through it all, God is faithful and He will never leave us. Holy Spirit is our comfort. Jesus is our Redeemer and Peace. Call to Him and He will answer you and show you great and glorious things....even on this rocky road.

"Let everyone everywhere shine with praise to Yahwah! Let it all out! Go ahead and praise Him! For He has conquered us with His great love and His kindness has melted our hearts. His faithfulness lasts forever and He will never fail you. So go ahead, let it all out! Praise Yah! O Yah!"   Psalm 117 TPT

"Whenever my busy thoughts were out of control, the soothing comfort of Your presence calmed me down and overwhelmed me with delight.....For You are my True Tower of Strength, my Safe Place, my Hideout, and my True Shelter."   Psalm 94 19, 23b