Confessions in a restaurant.

We sat in the restaurant, tears leaking out of our eyes, trying to hear the whispers above the loud music, clink of glasses and other conversations swirling around us. I glanced around to see if anyone was noticing but most seemed oblivious to our deeply emotional conversation. Our husbands were lost in their own world of hunting, houses and God. We had never been so real with each other but we leaned in and talked about loss and cancer and gains and God.  My friend has suffered a great earthly loss from the evil cancer. We had much to say....and the tears slowly made their way down our cheeks. We agreed:

Heaven is so much better than this life. Our "lost" loved ones are not LOST but just have gone through the doorway to the next life. They are free from dealing with taxes, permits, doctors, disappointments, and pain. We envy them. We sometimes wish to join them in that place. But realistically, it's the process that brings me to my knees. Friends, that is my greatest fear and cause for discouragement and sadness that knocks on the door of my heart once in a while.

We declare that God is good. That His Word is a Rock to stand on. That we believe His promises. That all we can do is STAND and CONFESS and BELIEVE (help my unbelief!) and LEAVE THE REST TO A SOVEREIGN GOD. She fought that cancer battle with someone close to her. She stood in faith. She confessed. She prayed and prayed. And, like many of us, she did not receive the answer she was hoping for. We agree that life is hard AND GOD IS GOOD.

I was finished with my coconut shrimp. The emotions had been gently poured out. With a sigh my friend and I shyly smiled and determined to keep walking this journey, to keep fighting for the blessings of this life, to enjoy the weddings and grandbabies and love of family and support of friends. To keep believing in our sovereign God and the knowledge of heaven...to keep holding onto HOPE even when fears seek to consume our hearts and minds....to cling to the God of hope like our very lives depend upon it. For indeed, they do.