the sword and the palm branch

I was having a conversation with one of my nieces in my mind...."IF I die, remember...." Mid-thought I stopped short with the realization that it's really not IF but WHEN. This concept continues to elude most of us. But, if you have walked through a life altering circumstance (there are too many to mention), you will agree that these give you a greater awareness of the frailty and finality of our lives here on earth. And that's a good thing!

There is an APPOINTED TIME FOR EVERYTHING....a time to give birth and a time to die...He has made EVERYTHING beautiful and appropriate in its time. Eccl. 3

I've just been given a 4 month reprieve from this reality (hopefully!). And I'm rejoicing!! I am so grateful to God for answering this prayer. But there's a dichotomy that I wrestle with....
How do I fight the fight of faith (for healing, wholeness, etc.) AND rest in the sovereignty of God AT THE SAME TIME???

You see, I believe that Jesus has provided complete wellness, TOTAL well-being, nothing missing-nothing broken peace. At the same time, we will not live a perfect life unhindered by trials and hardships. Jesus, our great example, DIED at 33! (spoiler: He didn't stay dead!) When I think of the statistics for people with this disease, it's daunting and I know that I may not live to see 65. I don't like that thought one bit....but Jesus! He physically left this earth around 33 years of age!  Being fully human (AND fully God) did He long for more years with His beloved disciples and the hungry faces of those who so desperately needed Him?

Ok, so we are not Jesus. But, can I trust that IF my appointed time to die is younger than I hope, my influence in my world....especially those grands!!!....will continue even after I'm gone on? I can spend my days grieving the potential loss of years of doing life with them OR I can make the most of the days I've been given, TRUSTING God to do what I could never do anyway.

Teach me to number my days that I may present to You a heart of wisdom.  Psa. 90:12

In Your book were all written the days that WERE ORDAINED for me. Psa. 139

So here's the deal, my deal anyway! I am fighting the fight of faith, doing my small part in this life. I will NOT allow satan to kill me before my appointed time to die. And when I do leave, it will be BEAUTIFUL and APPROPRIATE. I will follow His leading to the best of my ability. AND I will trust in the loving, wise, sovereign God. This is the place of peace....in one hand I will grasp the sword of the Spirit and in the other hand will be a palm branch raised to Jesus..