Reclaiming the Territory

It's a blustery, chilly day in Quarryville, PA and I'm wrapped up in my fuzzy blanket in the beautiful Marantha Retreat Center lobby at Black Rock Retreat. We are in the final hours of the 37 hours of silence at our Silent Sanctuary Retreat. 34 guests have joined me in this powerful journey. This event is so near and dear to my heart and I'm grateful for the privilege of being a part of this since Black Rock Retreat began hosting it about eight years ago. Through the years many guests have taken a huge step of faith and joined us for a weekend "free from the tyranny of words".

This weekend has been significant in my life; it's been an opportunity to take back territory that I feel has been stolen from me this year. Last night we bundled up against the swirling wind and took our night time prayer walk. How awesome to walk together in silence to various points around camp - the three crosses, neighboring field, several campfires - and hear Scripture being read. The last time I led this walk was in January of this year.....three days before the word "tumor" was spoken over me. I had chosen various passages that spoke to me for the walk. As I was reading them again yesterday, the significance of those passages at that season in my life was overwhelming. I chose to read many of those same passages again for the walk. However this time with 9 months of traveling this cancer journey as my frame of reference. The prayer walk is always a step of faith for me to lead! It's amazing how trails look completely different in the dark of night. I can imagine getting lost with 20 guests following behind me! Even last night as we came to a place where several trails converged I had to take a moment to get my bearings before leading our group forward. The weather was windy and cold and rainy earlier in the day. I was so tempted to cancel. But my daughter gave me the motivation I needed to go for it anyway as she reminded me that many were looking forward to this new experience. I fought back the sobs as I read about the crucifixion, Jesus' triumph over death and His all encompassing love for each one of us. We read "the heavens are telling the glory of God" as we gazed upward at the stars sprinkled across the sky above the silhouetted neighboring Amish farms. This was a chance for me to stake my claim again. To declare to the powers that be once again that NOTHING can separate me from the love of God. NOTHING, not sickness nor pain nor death nor strife nor anything present or to come. Nothing. Case closed. I still believe. God's word is always true. In fact, for me, His word has become even more a shelter in times of storm. A safe place. A warm soft purple blanket wrapping me in security and peace.

The previous Silent Sanctuary Retreat that we hosted was in March. I had just begun taking the highest dose of Tarceva. My face was blemished and painful, my scalp was itchy and sore. My confidence was shaken and I even wondered if my grandchildren would be still know, still love this new Grams. I didn't like her very much. But I was moving forward the best I could being thankful for the medication and the anticipated reversal that it would eventually bring to those cancer cells. As day two began, I was slammed with what we later found out was that nasty flu that was making it's rounds in Lancaster County. I couldn't eat, couldn't do much of anything besides shiver under the covers in my lodging room. The prayer walk was cancelled. because the coordinator was hibernating in her room. But that night I needed to know what was happening to my body so Jerry picked me up and took me the the emergency room. After hanging out there for about 4 hours we trudged back to Black Rock Retreat, at least knowing that what I had was not related to the cancer or the medication.....it was just a random "bug" that completely blew me out of the water. As Jerry slept I lay curled up right outside the bathroom door waiting for daylight. Just wanting to do what needed to be done and GO HOME. Thankfully there was a young gal on staff who was available to help me in packing up the many items I use for the various prayer stations. I threw them in my bags as quickly as possible, laying on the floor as she did the gathering. I have never been so glad to get home to my sunroom, my couch. And that was where I stayed for the next week till the fevers ended and I felt like life just might return back to the new normal.

In light of those unpleasant memories, the thought of returning to that lodging room and this retreat was a bit daunting. Satan had stolen the beauty, the sacredness, the joy from the event in my memory. It was TIME to take them back. A warrior spirit is being planted in my soul and is beginning to take root in this reluctant soldier. I declare today that God has gently been replacing those sad memories with joyful ones. At each juncture, I am filled with thankfulness for His healing! Thankful for these precious guests who are seeking God in the stillness. Thankful that today I can walk and smile and give hugs and write and WORSHIP. Thank You, Jesus! Thank You, Jesus!

I'm once again letting go of the past and reaching for the new thing that God is doing. Sometimes the past we must let go of is filled with bitter memories and pain and disappointments. Sometimes we need to let go of the yesterdays that were wonderful. Each NEW day is a gift and is filled with purpose and meaning and beauty. But we can't receive those if our hands are still grasping onto our yesterdays. Let's not allow satan to steal what is rightfully ours! Jesus came to give abundant life....life to the FULL. I will walk in that today. I will not let the regrets from the past or the worries about my unknown future rob my today of the joy and peace available to me! And once again I ask you, dear unseen friend, will you join me in this walk?

"Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert."  Isaiah 43:19