Being the second choice....

Hagar crouched in the bushes by a spring of water in the wilderness. She had fled from her home, from Sarai and Abram, from being loved and then discarded. She had obeyed her mistress and become her replacement to conceive a child. Hagar knew that she was second choice because Sarai could not conceive. Perhaps she loved Abram and was initially glad for Sarai's idea to be with him and carry his child. But as the pregnancy progressed the voice echoed in her brain.....you are just a carrier, you are not important. You are not first choice. Hagar became bitter and Sarai became cruel.

Have you ever felt that way? Perhaps your life has been marked with disappointment and failure. Or you've allowed deception to steal God's best from your life. Have you been thrown into a seemingly random Plan B? Have you felt rejected by those who once embraced you? Used and then discarded? Lost and alone, not sure where to go? Have you run away when a safe place became marked with pain and rejection? Sometimes we are Hagar, hurting and alone, in the wilderness.

But she was not alone - and neither are we! An angel of the Lord FOUND her. He spoke words of courage and life and hope to her. The Lord didn't say that everything would be easy. He told her to return to her place of pain, to live as  the second choice. But He promised that her son would become a nation....because "the Lord has given heed to your affliction".

Hagar declared, "You are a God who sees". The well where she waited was called Beer-lahai-roi which means "seen here after the one who saw me". Friend, GOD SEES YOU. Your life need not be wasted. No matter what your circumstances or what events led to them....how unloved you may feel, betrayed, or rejected or confused. God will meet you as you rest by the spring of life - which to me could mean His powerful WORD.

What do I do when negative feelings try to cause me to just run and hide? I know the best answer is to cling to the Spring of the Water of Life. To drink deep of His words of hope and encouragement. To remember that I am NEVER alone, that my God sees me. He's not surprised by any of this. He knows and understands. He sees my failures and loves me still. He knows me perfectly and yet loves me completely. How awesome is that???

It's a dreary, windy day in Pennsylvania as I sit here in my sunroom - by my spring of water in the wilderness . I'm so thankful for the wonderful memories of this past weekend with family. I'm thankful that GOD SEES ME. Today, I want to live in that knowledge. Even though it's too wonderful for me to grasp, I'm gonna try!!! Will you join me?

Thunder Clap of Silence

Friday night I stood before our Silent Sanctuary Retreat guests at Black Rock Retreat. It was the first few minutes of our time together. Many faces looking back at me were familiar, loved, have become a part of my support, my family. Many return to Black Rock Retreat for this event each year in January as a way to start the year off on a clear path. There were unfamiliar faces as well.....looking at me with uncertainty, expectancy, a little fear. What would these 37 hours of silence bring?

I gave my welcome and opened my mouth to pray. One sentence came out. I paused. And that's when it happened. The thunder clap. Unexpectedly. Powerfully. God's Presence almost knocked me to my knees. The silence was FULL. Charged. It took my breath away. I couldn't speak nor did I want to. The silence. Was. So. Loud.

A few minutes later we said amen with a sigh and looked at each other, stunned. What...just....happened? Wow. In all of my 58 years I've never experienced such a sudden, uncontrived movement of God. He simply gave us a small glimpse into His glorious presence. It was a gift. It had nothing whatsoever to do with me, my preparation, my leadership...or lack thereof. God just decided to bless us in that way.

I wish that I could say that every time I lead a prayer or sit here in my sunroom in the silence, I feel the power and presence of God in that awesome way. I wish the silence would always be full, powerful, loud. But many times I sit here and the only voice I hear is thin, whiny, empty. It takes great effort to hear the soft whisper of the Voice of Truth.

But no matter what the silence holds, the truth still stands that God IS with us. Believing Him, trusting Him in the thin, empty silence is a gift we give Him. Filling the silence is His gift to us. Those precious and few moments when we sense His presence in an indescribable way. Silence filled with love and hope and joy.


"My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
He only is my Rock and my Salvation,
My Stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength,
My refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your hearts before Him;
God is a refuge for us.
Selah."
Psalm 62:5-8


We'll not hear the thunder clap in the silence if our space is constantly filled with noise.

The Case of Mistaken Identity

A few weeks ago I pulled into the parking lot of the Christiana Library to restock my reading supply. I noticed one of our neighbors sitting in his red Blazer a few spaces over. It had probably been a few years since I had a chance to chat with him. He's had a difficult health journey ever since returning from the service many years ago. This past year, his daughter told my daughter, was filled with hospital stays with serious battles. And yet there he was doing his usual "Amish taxi" work....waiting while his customer spent time in the library, window rolled down, summer outfit in the middle of December, the usual cigarette in his hand. He looked like I do more times than I care to imagine....a bit rough around the edges!

I was happy to see him and went over to say hello. We chatted about our families, our year, our health (though neither of us mentioned the "C" monster, I assumed he knew). A few minutes passed and I went on my merry way into the library. I would tell my daughter about this encounter.

A week or so later, my daughter saw a Facebook post written by this neighbor's daughter.....Her dad told the story of sitting in the Christiana Library parking lot and seeing a red Mercury Milan pulling in beside him (my car). The lady driving the car came over to him and started chatting with him like they knew each other :-). He was too embarrassed to admit that he had no idea who she was. He went along with the conversation but was so curious who he was talking with!!! (How many of us have done that?!) His description of the car was perfect....but he described the woman as about 5'8" (I'm 5'2") and in her 30's.....ummmm, I'm in my upper 50's and definitely NOT looking 30 something these days. Of course, this makes me smile. Yes, his vision is a bit off. But I'LL TAKE IT!

I'll take being a short gal but having the perspective of being tall and confident. I'll take looking at a situation and envisioning the best case scenario. I'll take seeing people in a gentle light filtered through grace. I'll take a difficult diagnosis and see God's loving hand covering it all with strength and joy. I'll take this medication and receive health for today and many more tomorrow's. I take faith and reject fear. I'll take a "can do" attitude instead of "that's not possible" thinking.

I like how you see things, Bill! God sees us that way, too. In reality we are frail sinners, weak willed and selfish. But, because of Jesus' provision, our Heavenly Father sees us as clean, powerful, called. We are ambassadors of His grace. He's given EACH of us a mission field....whether home with our small children, in the law office, at the job site, in the Ann B. Barshinger Cancer Institute....wherever our feet may go. We are forgiven, cleansed, chosen, LOVED. That's how I see things and I'm stickin' to it! Oh, and feel free to remind me when I forget!!!