Why Not Us?

Our dinner club was gathered around the lovely table filled with delightful food and glistening water goblets. Our hosts were sharing with us about their son's three and a half year journey walking across the United States. He and a friend just ended this long and daunting trek by jumping into the waves of the Pacific Ocean. achurchofus.com

Proud parents were telling stories of God's faithfulness, protection and provision. They told of the young men's passion to share the love of God with everyone that they met. This was their mission. Every shop that they entered, every person that they encountered, every step of the way was to bring the Good News to whoever would listen. They told of listening to people's stories, praying for waitresses having a bad day, sharing the Gospel with many struggling strangers. Really listening to the answer when they asked "how are you?"


And so I ask myself.....isn't this MY mission as well? Since when does one have to leave everything behind and walk across America to share the faithfulness of Jesus to a stranger? To reach out with a kindness, a smile, a gentle touch?

Today I received the awesome news that I am still in remission. I don't have to go back to the doctor for THREE MONTHS and there is a potential that the Tarceva could take me to a place of healing where I won't even need to take this drug! What FANTASTIC news. News I want to share! News that fills me with hope and joy. But the good news of the Gospel of Jesus, His redemption and forgiveness, is even better news. His love story fills me with lasting hope and joy. It's news I need to share. May God give us a passion and heart of love that propels us into our world with THIS
news.

Terminal Living

Some moments are forever etched in your memory. 33 years ago we sat in our child birth class, wide-eyed watching the real life births on the television screen. When the class was over we went to the library (our version of a cheap date). I distinctly remember thinking, "there HAS to be another way to get this baby out...without pain, trauma, discomfort!" Then I was reminded of the millions and millions of women before me who had successfully given birth and lived to tell about it. Courage rose up within me along with the somewhat competitive thought, "if they can do it, SO CAN I!" Remembering the many women who gave birth without the medical help we have today in my little corner of the world helped me to be brave. And, what do you know, I went through that three times!

Well, that same thought process has been rumbling around in my brain for the past few days with regards to dying. I hope you are not too disappointed to hear that many of my thoughts - when not otherwise occupied - center around how one makes that transition from earthly life to heavenly forever life. More specifically, how I will make that transition....when.... I want to be brave. I need to have courage. But I'm wondering if there is another easier way??? Like childbirth, it just ain't so.

Did you know that more people die from lung cancer than any other cancer? Five-year survival is around 54% for early stage lung cancer that is localized to the lungs, but only around 4% in advanced, inoperable lung cancer. 4%!!!!??? Most of the time, I don't dwell on those statistics. But it is sobering, for sure! HOWEVER, did you know that being human has a 0% survivor rate? We are all walking around with a terminal condition! Why is it so easy to forget that? To live like we'll be here forever. That this life is the end all and be all of our existence? Why do I get so emotional when I think of end of life on earth? Have not millions and millions before me gone through the valley of the shadow of death? Children of God are assured a safe passage and a glorious home-going party on the other side of the door. If they can do it, SO CAN I!

It's been sung that "I hope you get the chance to live like you are dying". For 14 months I've listened to the evil chuckles and discouraging snarls from the monster in a cage in the corner of my room. Yes, thank God, I'm in remission, feeling well and doing life. But that unwelcome resident has opened my eyes to the overwhelming love of God permeating my entire room! It's opened my ears to the comforting whispers of the Holy Spirit. It's clarified gratitude for each simple joy. The Word of God has become my lifeline like never before. It's reminded me that each day is a gift filled with purpose and strength for the task. No new great revelation here but something worth being reminded of, don't you think?

Give a hat!

"There is always, always, always something to be thankful for."

Jerry and I just spent a week serving with Mennonite Disaster Service in a small town in West Virginia that suffered a major flood last year. Our team was working on rebuilding four houses damaged by the torrent of water that surged through the town.

One lunch time, our team was eating a delicious meal provided by a local church (they've done this for the volunteers each week day since the disaster and have promised to continue as long as needed!). The day was warm and we were gathered outside soaking in the brilliant sunshine. An older gentleman quietly walked down the steps to the group. Without fanfare, without announcement, without many words he began giving hats to each member of the team. He recorded our names and hometowns. He gave us a choice of orange or blue. He smiled. This man's home had been completely destroyed. His gratitude helped to rebuild hope in his heart just as his house was being rebuilt better, stronger than before. He gave back with a simple gift that unified our team and gave us a practical souvenir of this powerful, life changing week.

Gratitude heals.
It brings healing to the giver AND the receiver.
It opens our eyes to the joy set before us.
The simplest expressions of gratitude bring hope and life in a difficult and uncertain world.

"...give thanks IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Are you, like me, walking in a situation that is trying to steal your joy, your hope and peace? My challenge for us is to BE GRATEFUL. As we thank God for His many blessings and provisions for this day and for the unseen future, we open the door for our healing. Gratitude heals. As we express gratitude to those who are walking beside us in this journey, we open the door for closer relationships and deeper connections.

I am thankful for 13 months of post stage 4 diagnosis life. I am thankful for remission, for medication, for opportunities to share God's greatness in this simple life. For this opportunity to serve and laugh and love our neighbors with Jerry. Gratitude heals. I am choosing to be thankful because it's God's will for me....and for my good. 
Join me?

Confessions in a restaurant.

We sat in the restaurant, tears leaking out of our eyes, trying to hear the whispers above the loud music, clink of glasses and other conversations swirling around us. I glanced around to see if anyone was noticing but most seemed oblivious to our deeply emotional conversation. Our husbands were lost in their own world of hunting, houses and God. We had never been so real with each other but we leaned in and talked about loss and cancer and gains and God.  My friend has suffered a great earthly loss from the evil cancer. We had much to say....and the tears slowly made their way down our cheeks. We agreed:

Heaven is so much better than this life. Our "lost" loved ones are not LOST but just have gone through the doorway to the next life. They are free from dealing with taxes, permits, doctors, disappointments, and pain. We envy them. We sometimes wish to join them in that place. But realistically, it's the process that brings me to my knees. Friends, that is my greatest fear and cause for discouragement and sadness that knocks on the door of my heart once in a while.

We declare that God is good. That His Word is a Rock to stand on. That we believe His promises. That all we can do is STAND and CONFESS and BELIEVE (help my unbelief!) and LEAVE THE REST TO A SOVEREIGN GOD. She fought that cancer battle with someone close to her. She stood in faith. She confessed. She prayed and prayed. And, like many of us, she did not receive the answer she was hoping for. We agree that life is hard AND GOD IS GOOD.

I was finished with my coconut shrimp. The emotions had been gently poured out. With a sigh my friend and I shyly smiled and determined to keep walking this journey, to keep fighting for the blessings of this life, to enjoy the weddings and grandbabies and love of family and support of friends. To keep believing in our sovereign God and the knowledge of heaven...to keep holding onto HOPE even when fears seek to consume our hearts and minds....to cling to the God of hope like our very lives depend upon it. For indeed, they do.

Being the second choice....

Hagar crouched in the bushes by a spring of water in the wilderness. She had fled from her home, from Sarai and Abram, from being loved and then discarded. She had obeyed her mistress and become her replacement to conceive a child. Hagar knew that she was second choice because Sarai could not conceive. Perhaps she loved Abram and was initially glad for Sarai's idea to be with him and carry his child. But as the pregnancy progressed the voice echoed in her brain.....you are just a carrier, you are not important. You are not first choice. Hagar became bitter and Sarai became cruel.

Have you ever felt that way? Perhaps your life has been marked with disappointment and failure. Or you've allowed deception to steal God's best from your life. Have you been thrown into a seemingly random Plan B? Have you felt rejected by those who once embraced you? Used and then discarded? Lost and alone, not sure where to go? Have you run away when a safe place became marked with pain and rejection? Sometimes we are Hagar, hurting and alone, in the wilderness.

But she was not alone - and neither are we! An angel of the Lord FOUND her. He spoke words of courage and life and hope to her. The Lord didn't say that everything would be easy. He told her to return to her place of pain, to live as  the second choice. But He promised that her son would become a nation....because "the Lord has given heed to your affliction".

Hagar declared, "You are a God who sees". The well where she waited was called Beer-lahai-roi which means "seen here after the one who saw me". Friend, GOD SEES YOU. Your life need not be wasted. No matter what your circumstances or what events led to them....how unloved you may feel, betrayed, or rejected or confused. God will meet you as you rest by the spring of life - which to me could mean His powerful WORD.

What do I do when negative feelings try to cause me to just run and hide? I know the best answer is to cling to the Spring of the Water of Life. To drink deep of His words of hope and encouragement. To remember that I am NEVER alone, that my God sees me. He's not surprised by any of this. He knows and understands. He sees my failures and loves me still. He knows me perfectly and yet loves me completely. How awesome is that???

It's a dreary, windy day in Pennsylvania as I sit here in my sunroom - by my spring of water in the wilderness . I'm so thankful for the wonderful memories of this past weekend with family. I'm thankful that GOD SEES ME. Today, I want to live in that knowledge. Even though it's too wonderful for me to grasp, I'm gonna try!!! Will you join me?

Thunder Clap of Silence

Friday night I stood before our Silent Sanctuary Retreat guests at Black Rock Retreat. It was the first few minutes of our time together. Many faces looking back at me were familiar, loved, have become a part of my support, my family. Many return to Black Rock Retreat for this event each year in January as a way to start the year off on a clear path. There were unfamiliar faces as well.....looking at me with uncertainty, expectancy, a little fear. What would these 37 hours of silence bring?

I gave my welcome and opened my mouth to pray. One sentence came out. I paused. And that's when it happened. The thunder clap. Unexpectedly. Powerfully. God's Presence almost knocked me to my knees. The silence was FULL. Charged. It took my breath away. I couldn't speak nor did I want to. The silence. Was. So. Loud.

A few minutes later we said amen with a sigh and looked at each other, stunned. What...just....happened? Wow. In all of my 58 years I've never experienced such a sudden, uncontrived movement of God. He simply gave us a small glimpse into His glorious presence. It was a gift. It had nothing whatsoever to do with me, my preparation, my leadership...or lack thereof. God just decided to bless us in that way.

I wish that I could say that every time I lead a prayer or sit here in my sunroom in the silence, I feel the power and presence of God in that awesome way. I wish the silence would always be full, powerful, loud. But many times I sit here and the only voice I hear is thin, whiny, empty. It takes great effort to hear the soft whisper of the Voice of Truth.

But no matter what the silence holds, the truth still stands that God IS with us. Believing Him, trusting Him in the thin, empty silence is a gift we give Him. Filling the silence is His gift to us. Those precious and few moments when we sense His presence in an indescribable way. Silence filled with love and hope and joy.


"My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
He only is my Rock and my Salvation,
My Stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength,
My refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your hearts before Him;
God is a refuge for us.
Selah."
Psalm 62:5-8


We'll not hear the thunder clap in the silence if our space is constantly filled with noise.

The Case of Mistaken Identity

A few weeks ago I pulled into the parking lot of the Christiana Library to restock my reading supply. I noticed one of our neighbors sitting in his red Blazer a few spaces over. It had probably been a few years since I had a chance to chat with him. He's had a difficult health journey ever since returning from the service many years ago. This past year, his daughter told my daughter, was filled with hospital stays with serious battles. And yet there he was doing his usual "Amish taxi" work....waiting while his customer spent time in the library, window rolled down, summer outfit in the middle of December, the usual cigarette in his hand. He looked like I do more times than I care to imagine....a bit rough around the edges!

I was happy to see him and went over to say hello. We chatted about our families, our year, our health (though neither of us mentioned the "C" monster, I assumed he knew). A few minutes passed and I went on my merry way into the library. I would tell my daughter about this encounter.

A week or so later, my daughter saw a Facebook post written by this neighbor's daughter.....Her dad told the story of sitting in the Christiana Library parking lot and seeing a red Mercury Milan pulling in beside him (my car). The lady driving the car came over to him and started chatting with him like they knew each other :-). He was too embarrassed to admit that he had no idea who she was. He went along with the conversation but was so curious who he was talking with!!! (How many of us have done that?!) His description of the car was perfect....but he described the woman as about 5'8" (I'm 5'2") and in her 30's.....ummmm, I'm in my upper 50's and definitely NOT looking 30 something these days. Of course, this makes me smile. Yes, his vision is a bit off. But I'LL TAKE IT!

I'll take being a short gal but having the perspective of being tall and confident. I'll take looking at a situation and envisioning the best case scenario. I'll take seeing people in a gentle light filtered through grace. I'll take a difficult diagnosis and see God's loving hand covering it all with strength and joy. I'll take this medication and receive health for today and many more tomorrow's. I take faith and reject fear. I'll take a "can do" attitude instead of "that's not possible" thinking.

I like how you see things, Bill! God sees us that way, too. In reality we are frail sinners, weak willed and selfish. But, because of Jesus' provision, our Heavenly Father sees us as clean, powerful, called. We are ambassadors of His grace. He's given EACH of us a mission field....whether home with our small children, in the law office, at the job site, in the Ann B. Barshinger Cancer Institute....wherever our feet may go. We are forgiven, cleansed, chosen, LOVED. That's how I see things and I'm stickin' to it! Oh, and feel free to remind me when I forget!!!