Imperfect Glory

You know I love the beach. Not just the sit-on-the-sand-soak-up-the-sun part! As a child I was the first one in the water and had to be given notice when the day was ending! I rode the waves with those bulky blue floats that you could rent at Rehobeth Beach and graduated to boogie boards and ended up with body surfing. What a thrill to hit the wave just right and ride it in to shore. BUT I've gotten caught on occasion by an extra big wave that broke on top of me and took me tumbling and scrambling and snorting to the shore's edge. You know the kind...where you have to make sure everything's in place before you even attempt to stand up :-)! That is not a fun feeling. Well, that's how I felt this week when I was hit with a virus. It's difficult enough to keep an even keel when you're dealing with cancer and side effects from treatment without being knocked over by a nasty wave of a virus! I know I've turned a corner today. Please, Jesus! Today is day five so ENOUGH ALREADY!

One of the side effects of Tarceva that I was warned about was a rash on my face. No problem, I said, been there, done that. But this is no normal rash. It can look like full blown acne and requires tender loving care throughout the day. Ah, that rash on my face. What an opportunity to learn where my confidence comes from. Where I THINK my value lies. As a teenager I struggled with some pimples. I thought those days were behind me. As an adult I've felt moderately attractive. This has enhanced my confidence as I do my job as moderator and program director, as worship leader. So now, I still have my smile but it's surrounded by blemishes. This has caused embarrassment and tears...concerns that my grandchildren wouldn't know me.....that people will not see the real ME behind my skin. That they will turn away from me rather than towards me. This outward shell, this fragile house we've been given for these few years is just a temporary home for our eternal spirit....but is so important at the same time!

This culture I live is in all about the outward appearance. Whether we know it or not, our value, our worth gets tangled up in how we look, especially as women. We all have areas of dissatisfaction and things we wish we could change. And we do need to be good stewards of this temple we've been given. But when I think of the stress I lived under all of my years trying to be thin...feeling overweight, when I actually WAS a healthy weight, it makes me sad. In this culture, we have to be thin, have a clear complexion, thick luxurious hair, perfect teeth, etc. to be considered worthy. How stupid. We judge by appearance. And oh my, we are so quick to compare! The Bible even says that man looks on the outward appearance but God looks at the heart. Now that my outward appearance has, um, changed, I wonder.....Can we become a little more like God and seek to know people's hearts, who they are beneath the visible exterior, the veneer? Can we be a little more like God and not judge ourselves so harshly for the outward but spend more energy developing our spirit, the REAL, eternal us?

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but the woman who fears the Lord,

she shall be praised. 

Prov. 31:30

I have a dear friend who, because of a childhood illness, walks with a limp and is a bit slurred in her speech. BUT that has not stopped her from being our church's number one volunteer and about the most friendly and caring person you will meet. She is amazing and has not allowed her physical challenges to hinder the growth of her spirit or her ministry to others. She is a blossoming woman of God always looking for ways to bless and serve. What a challenge and encouragement she is to me.

So, what is holding you back from being truly confident in the person God created you to be? Your lack of education? Your weight? Your appearance? Your financial status? Your health? The pimples on your face....the blemishes on your soul? Wounds in your heart? If we could see the Father's acceptance, feel His loving embrace, know that He has a purpose and a plan for us, right where we are....right AS we are in this journey, what joy, what freedom, what ministry that would bring! This is what our Father wants for us! May God open our hearts and minds today to receive His calling for us this moment in all of our imperfect glory as we walk this journey.  

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing in us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Cor. 4:16-18

This Sunday is Easter. I've been asked to share a meditation at Black Rock Retreat's Sunrise Service and I'm looking forward to doing so! So if you happen to be in the area Sunday morning at 6AM stop by Black Rock Retreat (bring a lawn chair). We'll be gathering by the three crosses as the sun rises over the horizon. I will share what God has put on my heart (STAYING) with confidence, knowing that His glory is made perfect in my weakness - rash and all!