Yes, it's been a long time since my last blog. One has been started but was sidelined by what I think is a virus on top of the cancer stuff and Tarceva side effects. Not fun. But God is good. I pray that I'm coming to the end of this. I went to the ER from work late Saturday night to make sure that what I was experiencing wasn't connected to the cancer, etc. Everything came back fine. I don't have the flu either. But this thing has knocked me flat on my back.....with a few moments of glorious reprieve.
Three things I've learned about myself these past few days.....
1) I'm not afraid to ask for help, to call the doctor on call and get the info I need.
2) I'm not afraid to get blood taken any more! I still ask for a small needle!
3) I'm not brought to tears when I say "I'm a cancer patient" to someone new.
That may sound minor to you but these are small victories to me. And I'm thankful. I think it means I'm making progress in this grieving process. My daughter has wisely reminded me that it's ok to cry, to grieve, feelings are valid!!! In the middle of this sickness and overwhelming nausea, it was easy to pray, "Just take me home, Jesus, in my sleep." That's one feeling. But the prevailing feeling when more clear mind is in control says that I can fight this. There is light at the end of this particular rabbit trail.
I am currently off the Taraceva after 18 days. There were some difficult side effects that I was trying to navigate. But when considering that this could be a journey of a lifetime, we want it to not effect my quality of life more than it has to. I started at 150 dose which is given to everyone from my size at a squeaky 100 to a large 250 pound man. I think it makes sense that my body can't process quite so much. But I appreciate the hard hitting starter dose to get this thing moving in the right direction.....and it DID! Thank God!
So I've parked in my safe place, my sunroom, the window is opened a bit to let the spring air in. Friends are getting new meds for me and groceries. I'm staying put for today, again. I've been so blessed by Fernando Ortega music station on Pandora.....it's been comforting me through many nights and days. Check it out! Reminding me that this life is NOT all we have! So if you're in a season of sickness like me.....take heart, this is not the end. God is victorious. My prayer is that He will be glorified through my life in whatever way that means. Period. Case closed.
Back to a "normal" blog next time :-).
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