CHECK!

Whenever my co-workers and I come to the end of an event - when "Clifford" the big red van is unloaded of the leftovers and debris from the food stops and the riders have all safely been returned to Black Rock Retreat after riding 125 miles for the BR2RB Bike-A-Thon (and we've savored our Dairy Queen stop); when the golfers for the Golf Outing are heading home and we've braved rain, wind, cold to keep them fed and help them have fun as they support the ministry of Black Rock Retreat; after a meaningful banquet for sharing what God is doing at Black Rock Retreat with long-time and new supporters....we smile at each other with thankful hearts to God and declare "CHECK!!!!" (as in "check this off our list till next week when we start the planning process all over again").  It is with that same thankful heart to God for His help in my big events of the past few weeks that I've been able to say "check" to a few things that will never make it to anyone's Bucket List, for sure....

Many of you have already had the pleasure :-\ but these have been my new experiences: X-rays, CT scan, PET scan, MRI, lung biopsy, fluid being drained from lining around same lung which resulted in collapsed lung, chest tube to help same lung return to normal and hospital stay.  Whew, lots of new experiences.  I must say that so far, my fears have been worse than the reality. Isn't this the case most of the time???  I did meet some very special people and encountered tenderness and caring at almost every single interaction.  A special gift was having an old Choraleer (touring chorus) friend who has successfully won his own battle with cancer as the charge nurse for 8 LIME.  His hugs and kind words meant the world to me.  Thank you, Bob! My visitors brightened my day as a patient as well. Nevertheless, I was so happy to come home last evening.  Today I've been allowing my body to rest from the various traumas it endured :-).  Thank you to ALL who have been praying for me....more about that later....

Jerry has been asking me what God is speaking to me about this.  To this point I've had nothin'....no revelation, no certain confidence other than knowing that God will be with me and give me peace. But tonight I read a comment by speaker and author, Bill Yount that really resonated with my spirit. He shared that many years ago when he was in the emergency room the words from Jeremiah 30:17 became real to him:  (when I looked this up several additional verses jumped out to me as well)

"Why do you cry out over your injury"

Because your pain is incurable. (you can believe that word grabbed my attention!)

Because your iniquity is great

And your sins are numerous.....

Therefore all who devour you will be devoured....

For I will restore you to health,

And I will heal you of your wounds, declares the Lord."(NASV)

Mr. Yount also said that his prayer these past 14 years has been "Lord, have mercy". Yes!  Finally something that I can hang my running cap on! This is my heart's cry!  Lord, have mercy! No, I don't deserve Your health, Your touch, Your great lovingkindness...but yes I receive it because Jesus paid the price for me!  There is NO condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.  All have sinned.  All deserve to be punished from turning our backs on God and living in selfishness and willfullness. ALL. But all can cry out to Jesus and be set free.  Yes, it's scary to even declare this verse so boldly to you....the what if's are trying to pull my fingers off of the keyboard as I write.  But I say, "Lord, have mercy" and keep typing anyway.  I will keep fighting anyway. 

Seriously though, I'm not a warrior, people! I'm still grappling with the reality that I'm in this battle. Life as I know it will never be the same. "Deep inside this armor....this warrior is a child".  There are moments when I drop my sword and huddle in fear and let the tears flow. There are moments of joy and freedom and laughter.... and grandchildren.  No, my life will never be the same...but maybe it will be better?  I'm trusting for God to be glorified in this journey and for myself and those around me to grow closer to Jesus, closer to becoming the people He created us to be.  Today, in the middle of my fears, I chose to praise Him and thank Him for who He is, for His kindness, for His healing, for His MERCY.  Lord, have mercy!

Thank you so much for praying for me and my whole family!!!  I know that your prayers are keeping us stronger than we actually are and giving us wisdom and courage. Jerry and I are praying that each and every one of you who are investing in our lives with your prayers and love and food and notes will be blessed abundantly above all you can ask or imagine.  May the strength you are praying into our souls be returned to you in good measure and may God grant YOU the desires of your heart. Thank you for praying prayers of thanksgiving and praise with us....thanking God that he is devouring the cancer cells that are trying to devour me, that He is restoring me to health and healing my wounds. Praying that the mercy of God will overtake us....Lord, have mercy!

"Grace be with you, mercy, and peace,

from God the Father,

And from the Lord Jesus Christ,

the Son of the Father,

in truth and love.

2 John 1:3 KJV