The Shifting

Friends blessed Jerry and I with tickets to see Mark Lowry at the American Music Theater last Saturday night.  It felt so good to get dressed up for a fun outing sure to be filled with laughter and good music. We were not disappointed. What made it better was seeing some precious High relatives and friends, hearing their words of love and encouragement and feeling their support.  That has carried me through yet another week of waiting.

I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry when Mark began singing, "Everyone wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die." It felt like the spotlight was shining down on me, that girl who still can't quite grasp that she's on this journey! Ummm, yeah! That sums up my thoughts since I first heard the c-word on January 12. I DO want to go to heaven, but I DON'T want to die! Not yet! That was the day THE SHIFTING began in my mind, in my thinking, in my heart.

If you and I have ever had a conversation about heaven you KNOW that I believe in it 1000%, plan on spending eternity there, certain that it will be faaaaaar beyond what we can imagine in our wildest dreams.  I love Randy Alcorn's books on heaven and the way he incorporates this theme in his novels. I believe the new earth will be even more spectacular than anything in this present earth. And I've already planned to sit on that new beach for hours in conversation and laughter and peace and warmth! I've embraced the concept that life on earth is a small dot at the beginning of a rope, that the rest of the endless rope is eternity.  How small is this dot that can loom so large, feel so critical, so all consuming, so....so permanent!!! That is, until a tragedy happens, a sickness, accident, unwelcome diagnosis, a tornado (like in our area this evening). At some point in our journey we will be made aware of our frailty, the tenuous grip we have on this brief life. Yes, I do want to go to heaven. And I've commented that I wouldn't know how hard I would strive to keep myself from going there. But that was before...

I've experienced THE SHIFTING. All of a sudden, 57 seems way too young to go there. I've gotten 3 grandchildren this year.  I want to see them grow up, long to be an important part of their lives for as long as possible! I want to see how my children maneuver the twists and turns of adulthood. I want to spend the next season of my life with Jerry and hug my parents for as long as I can! I have discovered a very, very strong will to LIVE....HERE! And I believe that this desire to live our lives on earth, to fulfill the plans God has for us is a gift from God Himself.  He has given us this life and we are to use the time He's given us to do what ONLY we can do. He knows our circumstances, our handicaps, our weaknesses and abilities, our limitations. Wherever you find yourself, as long as there is breath, there is hope, there is a purpose for YOU, for this day. Psalm 71:17,18 resonates within my heart and has become my prayer as well:

But as for me, I will HOPE continually, 
and will praise You yet more and more.

My mouth (and pen) shall tell of Your righteousness

And of Your salvation all day long;....

I will make mention of Your righteousness, YOURS ALONE.

O God, You have taught me from my youth,

And I STILL declare Your wondrous deeds.

And even when I am old and gray, O God, do not forsake me,

until I declare Your STRENGTH to THIS generation,

 Your POWER to all who are to come. 

YES! This is what I'm believing and hoping for.  That God will allow me to remain on this dot for a little longer so that I can declare His strength and His power to this new generation of babies and even those yet to come (no, this is not an official or unofficial announcement!).

And so I will fight.  With the help of many prayer warriors standing in the gap for me when I'm weak and weary, I will be an overcomer. HOPEFULLY, tomorrow we will finally know the results of my biopsy over two weeks ago.....and thus know what kind of treatment will be needed to fight this evil and WIN. I'm prepared to do whatever is suggested. I'm trying to mentally prepare for the worst case scenario while hoping and praying for the best case scenario. We're also getting a second opinion from a doctor at Penn Medicine tomorrow. This I do know - "The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed, and will bring me safely to His heavenly kingdom; to Him be glory forever and ever. Amen." (2 Tim. 4:18) Thank you for helping me on this journey with your prayers and notes and cards and texts!! You are being used mightily of God and we pray for you daily as well.

Isn't that what this journey is about? Walking together, following His leading each moment, loving others, serving, blessing. There are so many unknowns and so many things out of our control! We could drive ourselves and others crazy if we allow the "what if's" for tomorrow to take over our thoughts, our lives. If we don't have the confidence that our Father knows and sees and loves and has us in the palm of His hands, how could we endure?
But He does and we can :-).